[Blog] The 
Power 
of 
Positivity

Dr. Wayne Hammond

In the whirl of a fast-changing and chaotic world, the traditional approach of problem-solving has long been the go-to strategy for tackling challenges. However, our era of unprecedented uncertainty and complexity calls for a new perspective. Rather than solely focusing on remedying weaknesses or addressing problems as they arise, there is a growing recognition of the transformative power in nurturing and leveraging one’s innate personal strengths to successfully navigate challenges and growth opportunities in meaningful ways.

Embracing this shift involves a deliberate emphasis on what’s right within individuals—their unique talents, strengths and intrinsic qualities—rather than fixating on what’s wrong or lacking. By shifting the spotlight toward their inherent capabilities, people are better equipped to thrive in the face of adversity and empowered to unlock their fullest potential . . . so they flourish in all aspects of life.

I entered training to be a psychologist because I was (and still am) fascinated by human nature, but in my training, I was taught that it was up to me to fix broken people. If I did my job well, people would no longer be anxious or depressed, their relationships would be full of love and meaning and they’d be “normal.” It was a tall order!

However, in the middle of my training, I had a revelation that people who came to me didn’t come because they wanted to be fixed; they wanted to be valued. That was the deeper, more transformative need they rarely could articulate. If I only focused on fixing the surface problems (which were very real and debilitating), I’d miss the opportunity to address their fundamental longing for meaning and value.

The answer, I found, is always in a person’s story. This caused me to shift my approach from problem-solving to active listening, drawing from each person’s deep well of lived experience of joys and heartaches. I had to move out of my role as an expert whose job was to fix their problems and become a facilitator who helps people find meaning that’s inherent in their own stories. I became an active listener tuning in to hear important evidence in each person’s background.

Early in my shift of perspective, I realized this principle applies to me too. I’ve always been resistant to people telling me what to do. It’s not belligerence; I resist because this kind of instruction communicates the underlying message, “Wayne, you’re wrong. You’re messed up, and you’d better change!” This brought out my natural defensiveness and crushed my internal motivation to change. (I don’t think I’m alone in this!) I wanted to shout, “Who are you to tell me how to live? You don’t know what’s going on with me!”

The solution for my clients, I discovered, is always hidden in their past experiences—their lived experiences. My job, then, was to listen, ask questions and listen again to uncover what really matters to them. My focus was no longer on what was wrong with them, but on what was right, and what was important to them

Potential not risk

A state organization that works with high-risk young people asked me to consult with them. Their clients are often living on the street and addicted to a wide range of drugs. Their goal is to minimize risks for these kids—the media has a field day criticizing agencies like this when something goes tragically wrong with one of the kids, so they’re always on edge.

I shared with the staff members that it’s important to see people, especially people like their clients, as “at potential” instead of just “at risk.” When we view them through the lens of possibilities, we instill hope and courage, even if it takes a while for the message to sink in. But if we see them through the lens of liability, they intuitively sense that we don’t believe in them, and we only want to control them so they don’t ruin their lives on our watch. (In other words, it’s more about us than them.)

When youth in care reach the age of 16, they’ll be on their own. If we haven’t uncovered their strengths and empowered them to thrive, their futures usually look bleak. At one of my presentations to the staff members, I met a case worker (I’ll call her Marcia) who told me about a girl (I’ll call her Bethany) who had been living on the street since she was 12. She had been on heroin, become a prostitute and had three abortions by the time she was 16.

When I shared the concepts of what I call a flourishing life, I’m sure some of the case workers rolled their eyes, but when Marcia spoke, they instantly resonated with her. She knew that trying to manage the behavior of her clients often produced resistance and rebellion. Instead, in her relationship with Bethany, she became a surrogate mother who loved her and believed in her future, in spite of outward appearances and the pattern of tragic, self-destructive past experiences.

Marcia started with the perspective of accepting Bethany for who she was now, not what she or others thought she should be. This approach startled the young woman, who had never experienced love before. In fact, Bethany didn’t know how to handle Marcia’s openhanded and full-hearted regard. Later she explained that she wondered if Marcia was trying to get something from her, and her kindness was a manipulative technique. It took time for Bethany to believe it was real.

A strengths-based approach

Organizations that work with troubled young people often explain the high dropout rate by saying, “The kids just weren’t motivated.” But that’s not the problem. It’s important to understand that our brain is designed to survive, not to thrive. The primitive part of the human brain, the amygdala, is constantly scanning the environment four to five times a second looking for a threat.

For a couple of years, I worked with Marcia’s agency and had the pleasure of getting regular updates from her about Bethany, but I’d never met the young woman. Then, at a conference, I gave a talk on a strengths-based approach to social work. When I finished, I sat at a table with other presenters. One was a young woman who was going to give her testimony. It was Bethany.

As we sat at the table, I asked her to tell me her story. I was mesmerized by the depth and breadth of the change she’d experienced through her relationship with Marcia. When Bethany finished speaking, I was deeply moved. Three years later, she invited me to attend her graduation.

Today, Bethany is an incredibly effective social worker. The people she serves soak up her optimism and bold faith that life can be so much better. They believe her because they see it evidenced in her lived experience and story. She’s married and has three children. Years ago, she was homeless, addicted, alone and struggling with her sense of personal value and purpose. Now, she’s inspiring her family and those she works with—whose lives are forever changed by the magnetism of her tenacious resilience and her capacity to thrive.

Kindness releases confidence

Bethany isn’t a one-off story. Again and again, I’ve seen the amazing power of strength-based support, teaching, parenting and leading. When we connect with people so that they feel safe and become convinced that we believe in them, our words can change the trajectory of their lives. We may walk with them for decades, or it may only be a five-minute conversation, but our presence, our kindness and our belief in them can give them the confidence to step out and do the amazing things they were created to do.

Bethany’s story is a case study of one of the most important principles in human thriving:

How people feel determines how they think about themselves and their potential.

How people think about themselves determines their coping response.

And how people cope in repeated situations determines their convictions.

Positive change is a process from the inside out. Bethany was able to feel differently about who she was, embrace a new way of thinking about possibilities, courageously step out of her comfort zone with new ways of coping and ultimately experience a deep sense of self-confidence and empowerment.

Embracing a mindset centered around personal belief and the ability to grow our potential from within is crucial for genuine thriving and self-fulfillment. When we shift our focus from external validation and societal expectations to nurturing an internal belief in our capacity for growth, we unlock a new source of resilience and empowerment. By acknowledging that our potential isn’t fixed but continuously evolving, we embrace a transformative belief that propels us forward on our journey of self-discovery and self-actualization.

This inside-out approach allows us to redefine success on our terms, prioritizing personal growth, authenticity and inner fulfillment over external measures of achievement. Moreover, by viewing mistakes as valuable opportunities for learning and growth rather than reflections of our worth, we cultivate a mindset of resilience, self-compassion and boundless potential.